Size Matters!

Ha! I thought that title would catch your eye! Now that I have your attention...

Yesterday I was catching up on my Tivo'd tv (since when is "Tivo'd an adverb?) programs and caught one of my favorite new authors, Sara Gilbert on Oprah. Ms. Gilbert wrote the incredibly eye-opening book "Eat, Pray, Love". She was talking about her life, now after the book's release. The video of her walking down a tree line dirt road and her words "I just want a bigger-smaller life" really resonated with me. What she meant was that she wanted a bigger life as in bigger spiritually, bigger in family closeness, bigger in lasting friendships, bigger in awareness of the world around her while maintaining a smaller material life as in materialism.

Wow!

I had to rerun this a couple of times to let it sink in. She spoke the words that have been running around in my head for a while now. I just haven't been able to articulate them. I have been striving, needing, coasting towards something but until now, I just assumed it was a mid-life crisis.

I'm going to take the next few days to really contemplate what I have and what I want, spiritually, socially, intellectually and materially. I must admit, through circumstance, I had become less materialistic but there are a few things that I hang on to. Once, long ago, I lived in a large home, with a new luxury car, money in the bank, a closet full of clothes, a well-paying job that I traveled for and all the trappings of a happy life. In reality I was miserable - with my self, my home, my possessions, my lack of friends and my husband. Fast forward to today - I have a lovely tiny cottage that I own and can do anything I want with. I have a much more grounded sense of who I am and what I can accomplish. No outside force causing me doubt or shame (husband). I have a few, strong friendships that I value immensely and treasure and finally, I have cleaned out that closet of useless clothes and possessions that bring me no happiness. There is still work to be done but as I look back on what was, living simply suits me.

Some time ago I was having a conversation with someone about what she wanted in her life. I could see myself 15 years ago in her wishes. She said she wanted "beautiful things" and to go to "nice places" and to basically have more. I tried to explain to her that those things may make you happy in the short term, but have no lasting power. For example, I have this little red, hobnailed lamp with a funky cone shaped shade. The light from it is awful and bulbs for it are impossible to find (forget energy efficient bulbs) but this little thrift store find that cost me only $4 makes me smile every time I see it on my bookshelf. I don't know why, maybe that mental decline is setting in early but what matters is how it makes me feel. I think it's pretty. It makes me feel lucky to have found it hidden in the store and the reddish glow it gives off makes my small living room so comfy. All that for $4! What a bargain.

I challenge you to strain through your life - possessions, goals, ideals and beliefs to determine what makes your home comfy.

It really are the small, quiet things in life that last.

And always remember these lyrics from Pink Floyd "All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be".